Book by Susan Golombok (2000)
Review by Dr. Harriet Heath

This relatively short book (220 pages) gives research evidence for what we parenting educators knew all along. Namely, what is important to the healthy development of children is the relationship they have with significant adults in their lives not the structure of their early childhood families or even poor living conditions.

The author is speaking to the current trend to advocate for two parent families with a preference for fathers to be the providers and mothers to be at home with the children. These are the families, the advocates assert, that provide for the healthy development of children. The author’s research investigates the validity of this assertion.

Golombok researched this assumption by reviewing the empirical literature on various family structures. Thus her research is an analysis of previous investigations. A reading of this earlier work shows that in no family structure are all children developing well nor in any family structure are all children developing poorly. Her investigation centered on the question of whether or not there was an underlying factor, found in all the different family structures, that determined the healthy development of children.

Each chapter of her very concise book reviews the research pertaining to a specific family structure, two parent families, families where both parents work, single parent families, gay and lesbian and so on. Besides reviewing the research on each family structure, the author also analyzed more specifically the conditions in which children were living by factoring out influences such as poverty level, educational background of parents and quality of relationships.

Golombok drew three major conclusions. One, as the superficial reading of the research demonstrated, no family structure guaranteed healthy development nor did any family structure guarantee poor development. For example, children coming out of the traditional two parent family in which one parent was abusive were at developmental risk. The two parent structure was not enough to protect the child. In contrast she found children doing well who were living in one parent families where that one parent was able to be loving and involved. She found children growing up in homosexual families doing as well as those growing up in heterosexual ones.

A second finding was that more children developed well in some kinds of family structures than in others. For instance, it was true that more children develop well in two parent families than in one implying that maybe it was easier to meet the needs of children in some situations than in others.

The third finding, the most important one, was the underlying factor Golombok was looking for. What made the difference in how well children were developing was whether or not the child had a relationship with an adult. Children who were developing well had an intense relationship with an adult upon whom they could count. The adult was involved.

The importance of this adult was proven in additional analysis. Golombok traced the early childhood conditions that predict later problems and considered intervening variables. She found that when in the intervening period there was nurturing, ongoing parenting, the outcome was good. For instance, girls separated in early childhood from their parents are prone to depression in adulthood. But these girls tend to receive poor parenting when separated from their parents. Those girls who were lucky enough to receive warm nurturing continuous care tended not to become depressed as adults.

Having demonstrated the potential of children growing well in all kinds of family structures, Golombok acknowledges that some conditions make it more difficult to be a good parent than other conditions. It is more difficult to provide that nurturing care when one is a single parent and must assume the roles of both provider and nurturer. The difficultness of the task multiplies as parents deal with more negative conditions such as poverty and little education

Golombok summarizes her findings:

"These studies are important not only because they show how negative events in childhood can lead to negative consequences in adult life but also because they demonstrate that improvements in the child’s family circumstances can counteract the potential adverse effects of early negative experiences" (p. 103).

She continues later on:

"It is no longer appropriate to assume that traditional families are good and non-traditional families bad for children. What matters most for children’s psychological well-being is not family type – it is the quality of family life (p. 104).

The research findings are important for parent educators for several reasons.

1) Regardless of the circumstances of the parents with whom we are working, supporting their efforts to better nurture their children can make a difference in those children’s lives. It is too easy to shrug and conclude that nothing more can be expected given the circumstances rather than to try and figure out with the parent how he or she could better meet the child’s needs.

2) Regardless of the age of the children involved, when talking about the role of parents the length of the commitment (at least through the children’s adolescence) should be emphasized as well as its importance. Too often our talk is about early bonding and early parent/child interactions which are vital but does not prepare parents for their role during adolescence.

3) Parent educators should be discussing with parents ways of maintaining warm relationships with their children and teaching skills for doing so. We should be talking about taking time such as: participating in the three-year-olds’ imaginative game, following the elementary school child’s soccer game, and touching base regularly with adolescents by finding common activities whether shopping in the mall or doing chores. We teach how to active listening and how to guide behavior. We also need to teach how to dialogue touchy subjects with our adolescents.

In summary Golombok has creatively used a mass of research on family structure to further identify what makes for healthy development. In doing so she has given parent educators valuable research findings on which to base their work.

Harriet Heath, Ph.D., Director
The Parent Center
Child Study Institute and Thorne School
Bryn Mawr College
Bryn Mawr, PA 19010
610 649 7037
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